(The Long Version)
My heart is full, my body is weary, and my soul is deeply satisfied. Jack David Karnes arrived on Wednesday morning, March 23 at 5:55a.m. weighing in at 8lbs 10 ounces and 21 inches long. Here is the story:
I had been so hopeful that little Jack would come a few weeks/days early because I was getting so big and was beyond ready (yeah...big baby!). On Monday, I woke up and spent some time with Jesus that was so sweet and intimate. I then created a to-do list and vowed to just stay busy and use the time I had wisely. So, I accomplished 19 things on that to-do list! I went to bed Monday night with an other to-do list for Tuesday. However, starting at 2:30a.m. I felt little Jack turning in my stomach (it felt like he was spinning in circles on his head....ouch). I could not sleep, so I paced and came into my mom’s room...she was up reading. Finally, he settled down from moving so rigorously at 4a.m. At 4:30a.m. I started feeling contractions. These ones were different (finally!) They were low and came in waves. So we began timing them. They lasted for about a minute and were about 10-20 minutes apart. So, I could only sleep for the 10-20 minutes between them. When David awoke, I told him to be ready because I think today is the day. He left for work and we waited! Thankfully, I had my weekly OB appointment that morning. I went to that and Dr. Bachofen said I was dilated to a 2 and 90% effaced (previous week I was at a 1 and 70% effaced). She said to go home and rest and wait until the contractions are 5-7 minutes apart and pretty hard to talk or breathe through. I went through the day just praying the contractions wouldn’t stop....I was ready for the delivery day! David came home from work, I ate a smoothie and around 7:30 the contractions were 5 minutes apart and pretty painful (I definitely had to do my breathing techniques). We headed to Hotel Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center at 8p.m. We checked in and went to the triage room to get checked. Dr. Beaird was the doctor on-call. I wish Dr. Bachofen could have delivered baby Jack, but Dr. Beaird was great! After about 45 minutes, I went into our delivery room.
Walking into that room was surreal – the time had finally come for ME to be the one in the delivery room. I had watched several episodes of A Baby Story the days before this and now it was my turn. David sat right next to me on the workout ball and helped me breathe through each contraction. He was so helpful. For the next few hours the contractions got much stronger and I was feeling so much pain. I did not want to have an epidural, but took the narcotic drug to take the intense edge off. The first round of this was great – I felt slightly more sleepy, but could manage the contractions for a few more hours. The first dosage wore off, and I asked for some more. At this point (probably 2a.m.) I was very, very tired and struggling to breathe properly through each contraction. David was beyond tired too, so he layed down to take a 30 min. nap. My mom sat by me and helped me. Somewhere around 3a.m. I was in excruciating pain and the contractions were about a minute apart and lasting at least a minute (some never fully went all the way down before the next one started). I was exhausted and could hardly catch my breath through the contractions. I remember feeling like I was so “out of it” mentally and cried out for David to come back over to help me breathe. My mom was great, but I just needed David. He jumped up and immediately calmed me down by telling me I could do it and breathed with me. After 20 minutes, I couldn’t take it. I asked “Is it too late for the epidural?” When my nurse said “No, I’ll call for the anesthesiologist right now,” I felt so relieved. Although, it felt like an eternity waiting for him. I have to be honest here. I was disappointed that I couldn’t go through with the birth naturally. I was just so tired after not sleeping for two nights and did not have enough energy to endure the most difficult last hours. I kept saying “I’m sorry, I just can’t do it...I’m too tired and I feel like I can’t catch my breath.” My mom and David comforted me saying that it was okay. The epidural procedure was a piece of cake (I heard that it hurt). As the epi was put in, I remember praying “God, please keep away all side-effects, I just can’t do this without it!” I had heard of people having severe headaches, the epidural not working or only working on one side of the body and was nervous about side-effects. I felt peace about it though. Within minutes I felt the biggest physical relief imaginable. Finally, I could rest....ahhh, huge sigh! Over the next two hours, I rested and felt like I returned to a “normal” mental state. They tried to tell me to sleep, but how could I when was just a few more hours from meeting my son? I was dilated to an 8 and so close! Around 4:30a.m. I began feeling an urge to push and my nurse said that I was just about ready. The baby’s heart beat dropped a little, so they put an oxygen mask on me and that helped. Plus, when I turned to my left side his heart rate when up too...he didn’t like it when I was on my right side!
At 5a.m. it was time to push! I was fully dilated and it was ready to rock and roll. The doctor came in and said this part of labor could take anywhere from 10 minutes to 3 hours. I think I prayed aloud “Oh Lord, please don’t let this take 3 hours!” David helped me hold one leg and the nurse the other and I wrapped my arms under my thighs and began the hardest workout of my life! For the next 55 minutes I pushed with everything in me. The doctor came in and watched me push and then left. I remember thinking “Why did he leave?” I kept pushing 3 sets of 10 second pushes over and over again. I don’t think my nurse could have counted any slower! They brought the mirror over and that helped me push because I could actually see his little head coming down and it gave me more determination to push. The doctor came back, watched me push again and then left! I thought “He is NOT leaving next time, I am pushing this baby out!” Thank goodness I had the oxygen mask on because David and my mom thought I was going to pop every blood vessel in my face. The next time the doctor came in, it was time to go. In seconds they took off the bottom part of the table, the doctor put on his gown, my legs when into the stirrups and the baby nurse came in ready to clean, measure, footprint and weigh baby. I think I pushed for 3 sets when the doctor sat down to catch the baby.
When they pulled Jack out, I was OVERWHELMED with emotion! I started crying and saying “Thank You, God! Thank You, God! I’m so happy, I’m so happy!” Hearing his cry was the most beautiful sound ever!!! David stood there holding my hand and our tear-filled eyes stared at one another as we listened to our son cry his first breaths. They cleaned off the baby and David stood by me as the doctor delivered the placenta and began my repair. Now, the repair....if I wasn’t glad I got the epidural for the last few hours, I sure was of for this part of my delivery. I had a 3rd degree tear (out of 4 degrees). Not to be too vulgar here, but that means I tore the whole way. We later asked my doctor why Dr. Beaird didn’t perform an episitomy and she said that he probably did and I tore too. Okay, back to baby Jack. The baby nurse said that he had a slight gurgle in his breathing, so they would need to take him to nursery for a few hours to watch him. When David heard this, his knees when weak and he had to sit down on the workout ball. (He had thought he might not be able to make it through watching the delivery, but he did great – he said it didn’t bother him at all!). When baby was all cleaned up, David walked over and held our son for the first time. His eyes swelled with tears and he brought Jack to me. I began sobbing. Seeing his little face was amazing. We just held him and were in awe! Although, the poor little guy had a rough transition into the world because his poor little cheeks were chaffed and bright red and his little head was definitely shaped like a cone...but he was beautiful...he was ours!
They took Jack to the nursery and the doctor finished sewing me up (that took awhile!) The doctor comforted us by saying that Jack sounded just fine and to not worry because the nurses tend to be extra cautious. God gave me a great peace and I knew in my heart he was just fine, so I wasn’t worried. I stayed in the delivery room for another couple of hours and tried to sleep. Have you every been so tired that you can’t sleep? That was how I felt. Around 8 David lifted me into the wheel chair (my legs were still numb from the epidural) and we went to our recovery room. After another hour of waiting for baby Jack, my mom and David couldn’t stand it, so they went across the hall to the nursery and saw him. They said he was fine, they were just warming him up and bit and would bring him soon. So, we waited...and waited....JUST BRING ME MY BABY!!! I’ll warm him up! 4 Hours later, our little squeaker (that’s my nickname for him because he makes the CUTEST squeaks) was in our arms...ahh, the MOST wonderful feeling ever. I cried again and felt so at peace. Wednesday, March 23 will forever be marked on my heart as the most emotional overwhelming day of my life. I looked at baby Jack and couldn’t believe he was INSIDE of me. For being so small, he was also so big and it was no wonder that I tore. I slept a little that day, but mostly just stared at my baby and snuggled him in my arms. A few friends came to visit and so did my brother, Billy.
The first night was fine, Jack slept a lot, but I couldn’t. Every little movement and noise he made woke me up and I had to peek in his little bassinet to make sure he was okay. If I wasn’t kept away from him, I was kept awake from my pain. I did take some Vicadin and it definitely helped. I sent David home to get some sleep because he did have to do a little work that day and my mom stayed with me overnight. She would bring him to me to try and nurse him. The next morning, my mom left to go home, clean up my house and shower. The nurses took Jack to get his circumcision and I slept for about 30 minutes, but any baby cry I heard, I imagined him screaming during his procedure and I couldn’t sleep! Finally, they brought him back and it was just me and him. The room and hospital seemed so quiet and I just looked at him as his little eyes got heavy and he fell asleep. I began crying thanking God for my perfect little gift. I felt so happy, scared, nervous, overwhelmed, thankful all at the same time. I am a Mom...I am his Mom....wow! He layed next to me with his face next to mine and for the first time in over 48 hours, I slept (well, until someone came in to take my vitals).
They had originally told me that I would be going home Friday morning, but when Dr. Bachofen came to check on me, she released me to go home then (she totally understood that I was not getting any sleep in that bed and with people coming in and out all day and night). So, that was 1p.m. and we finally left at 5p.m. Does it really take 4 hours to prep us to leave? Seriously?!? The only con to our experience at Hillcrest (everything else was wonderful , especially my nurses!)
I walked into my house, slowly...very slowly...and sat in our very comfy recliner chair, put baby Jack on my chest and we both slept so soundly for several hours!
It has now been a week (well, in a few more hours) that Jack has been with us and this has been the hardest and most wonderful week of my life. I have cried through several meltdowns (almost one a day), I have cried tears of sheer joy, I have laughed so hard at his precious faces and just enjoyed every single moment being a mom. The first few nights, I hardly slept because every time I would hear him squeal, squeak or squirm I would worry that he wasn’t okay. Now, when I hear him, I tell myself “Betsy, that’s a normal noise, normal noise!!! Keep sleeping!” The 2nd through 5th night I had him sleep with me in the twin bed in his room and I slept so much better because I could just wake up and see that he was okay and keep sleeping soundly. I know they say you shouldn’t sleep with your baby, but it was the most peaceful place for him to be and I knew I would not roll over on him.
I am starting to get the hang of things and trying to be patient with myself to adjust. To all my friends and family - I’m sorry for not returning phone calls or messages, I seriously have only had time to feed baby, sleep when he sleeps, feed again, maybe get a shower, eat myself and feed him again. Thanks for understanding! Give me another week and I’ll probably be able to handle more. My priority is Jack right now and learning to figure out our new, crazy, wonderful lifestyle! Through this all – I have to give my amazing, loving, servant-hearted, helpful mother an amazing “THANK YOU!” I COULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN THROUGH THIS WEEK WITHOUT HER!!!!!! She has cleaned my house so many times, cooked every meal, gotten me anything I’ve asked for, encouraged me and given me so much support! Wow – she is amazing. Mom, I love you...there are no words to explain the way my heart feels about you and how you have loved me and my family the past month.....just know the tears streaming down my face as I type this have never been more full of thankfulness.
Okay, Jack is awake...you know what that means...the milk machine is ready and it’s time to eat! (oh, more on the milk machine later....I never knew I could look so much like Dolly Parton...who needs a boob job when you just need to breast feed!)
(Sorry if there were any typos in this....I don’t have time to go back and reread it to correct them...maybe someday!)
